• Click to open image!
• Click to open image!
• Click to open image!
•  

For those that are experiencing relationship breakdown involving the nitty-gritty of finances, property and children, there is another way to deliver an amicable out-of-court settlement that achieves the best possible outcome for the family and avoids the uncertainty, ill feeling and fees associated with an imposed solution. It’s called Collaborative Law and, together with its cousin Mediation, it may come as little surprise that many of the movers and shakers within the local Collaboration and Mediation scene are sassy, savvy women – serial multi-taskers who have first-hand experience of the pressures involved in trying to juggle a fulfilling work and family life.

What’s more, our Collaborative lawyers know each other, enjoy each other’s company and are determined to confine the image of the fee-generating, pin-striped divorce lawyer to history.

Enter stage left...The Collaborators

Joyti Henchie qualified as a Solicitor in 1995. She joined Attwaters LLP in 2000 and became a Partner in 2004 where she heads the Family Department in Harlow and Loughton specialising in all areas of Family Law including divorce and separation, financial settlements, children disputes, child protection, cohabitation agreements and disputes, pre-nuptials and civil partnerships.

For good measure, Joyti is also a working mum who has 3 kids under the age of 12, a husband who works long and unsociable hours as a partner in a City-based law practise, and (at the time of writing) a house move to Clavering on the cards. In short, she is one motivated mama! “I prefer to work, but want to be available for my family”, says Joyti . “That’s why if I want to do the school runs each day, client satisfaction is vital – if my clients are happy then that makes me proud and happy, which not only rubs off on my family but somehow makes the work day smoother to organise”.

With a goal of “100% client care”, it was only natural that Joyti trained as a Collaborative lawyer: “Collaboration allows clients to be in control of their own destiny”, she explains, “it’s not about the winning or losing, it’s about achieving the best quality of future life for everyone involved in the family breakdown”. And as someone who clearly takes pride in leading from the front in her own life (“if you want to do it, you can do it... I’ll never be told that you can’t achieve your dreams because ‘you’re just a woman’”), Joyti champions Collaboration as a means of empowering people that are stuck and confused in their lives to grasp the nettle and move forward positively whilst keeping their emotions intact.

From Meditation to Mediation

To be effective at advising people through the crisis of relationship breakdown and divorce, you need to be calm, flexible, strong and centred. It helps to be able to literally turn a problem on its head!

These are all qualities Bishop’s Stortford Collaborative lawyer, Jacqueline Jameson exhibits and she draws many parallels between practising law and her other passion, yoga – which she also teaches.

Jacqueline says “the ability to stay calm and focused to give maximum support to clients at a time when they need to call on such strength is absolutely essential”.

Jacqueline has been specialising in family law for around 14 years and has offered Collaborative law services at Stanley Tee LLP as an option for her divorcing and separating clients for four years. She sees Collaborative as a very effective method of solving difficult issues whether these relate to finances or children.

“I’ve found the process gives couples a good sense of being in control of major decisions affecting their own future. Collaborative law will not suit all couples , but for those who are ‘right’ for the process, it is a sensible and thorough way to achieve a good solution for the whole family - by approaching the issues as a team, talking and analysing issues together, and having sound advice from two lawyers and other professionals (such as pensions experts or even counsellors). Although the process is definitely not a picnic and can get emotive at times, it gives couples a good chance to maintain a better relationship once separated – which is hugely beneficial for any children involved.”

This is an outcome that Carolyn Hayes, a Collaborative lawyer and Mediator with Nockolds LLP, can easily relate to. As a single parent of three ‘wonderful’ children between the ages of 11 and 20, she knows that relationship breakdown can be life changing. “The sharing of lives together and the building of history together is an edifice that is not easily knocked down – particularly when children are involved”. I endeavour to assist in resolving areas of disagreement creatively and with dignity”.

Coupled with Carolyn’s creativity is the ability to listen, which is not surprising as she originally studied music at Sheffield University, playing the flute and piano. She later obtained a Masters in music at Goldsmiths in London and taught music privately for some years before migrating to Law. Carolyn believes that there is a synergy between the two disciplines:

“There are no fixed rules as such. There are the building blocks of sound; the foundation stones with which the musician builds; tempo, pattern and pitch. Music is a form of communication between people. Once these patterns are learned and in place, it is the musicians’ craft and ability to be creative and flexible which lends itself to the best music making. As a lawyer, I am trained to extract relevant information, apply the law, compare each case and formulate advice with a goal in mind. As both a Collaborative lawyer and a Mediator, I have truly learned to listen and underpin my legal practice with creativity and flexibility”.

A Mediator is an impartial third person who confidentially supports and guides discussions, without recourse to legal advice, between couples who intend to sort out the practical and financial arrangements they both need to make when divorcing or separating.

Mediation is a voluntary, client-led process which, like Collaboration, has proven to reduce some of the emotional stress involved in family conflict and relationship breakdown and can save on legal costs. It offers an opportunity to explore and participate in the development of solutions, the mutual ownership of which are then more likely to succeed. Rather than being a substitute for legal advice though, clients are encouraged to consult solicitors when necessary, particularly when turning decisions into legal documents.

Glynne Davies is a Mediator with Essex Mediation and has lived in Harlow for over twenty years. Although she has a degree in law, her fellow Mediators come from various backgrounds such as counselling, accountancy, chartered surveying, social work, as well as several board members, a Collaborative lawyer and a lecturer in Advanced Conflict Resolution Studies: “Although we have never counted, our list of qualifications, both academic and professional, is extensive. Having said  that, we are neither high-powered nor scary,” Glynne continues, “we have the usual range of interests suitable for our age profile such as yoga and music, but nothing extreme like snowboarding or skydiving. If we were a film we’d be closer to Calendar Girls than Sex in the City!”

So what can you expect when you go to see one of the Essex Mediators? “Primarily, we will listen to you - not sympathise or criticise, just listen so that together we can make a decision as to whether Mediation is for you. If it is, we will guide you and your ex through the process at a pace that suits you. Sometimes clients have large gaps between sessions while they each come to terms with their separation; others will complete the process in a few sessions and within a matter of weeks”.

Glynne guarantees that the passion of her team translates into always working hard for each couple that choose the mediation process; “The mediation guru John Haynes, had a mantra ‘Never work harder than the clients’. The other day one of us quoted this, and we all nodded sagely, until a quiet voice beside me said ‘But we always do, don’t we’”.

Legally Bond

Speaking to these legal ladies, it’s clear that there is a common, palpable desire to make a positive contribution in life, to improve communication and resolve problems. Sophie Ismail has been working in Whiskers LLP’s practice in Epping for 6 years in all areas of family and matrimonial law. Recently trained in Collaboration, she is also a volunteer for the Samaritans; “I suppose from the work I do I see clients in distress who sometimes need somebody on the outside of their life to listen without judgement”, Sophie explains, “family and friends are often involved in their lives already and have a vested interest. Of course I empathise with my clients but my role as a solicitor is to ultimately provide them with legal advice. As a Samaritan I just listen to how they’re feeling”.

Effervescent Sophie finds that she uses the skills acquired as a Collaborator in her other cases too; “it’s helpful in establishing productive working relationships with my legal counterparts in other firms in the area. Most clients want their solicitor to take an approach which will bring their matter to a swift and cost effective conclusion and the collaborative approach assists this, rather then potentially being embroiled in lengthy litigation.  Some clients would rather maintain a distance from their ex-partner and use traditional solicitor correspondence and litigation.  When a client attends for an initial meeting all different methods of resolving their particular situation is explored with them and the most suitable approach is taken”.

This approach is echoed by Olive McCarthy, Director of Breeze and Wyles Solicitors LLP where she has been since 2004 heading up the Family Department over all five offices in Hertford, Cheshunt, Hoddesdon, Bishop’s Stortford and Enfield: “I trained as a Collaborative Lawyer in 2008, having felt that there must be an alternative to the traditional approach to resolving disputes between a couple. There are certainly circumstances where the traditional approach is appropriate but people deserve further options when they wish to deal with matters at such a difficult time”.

This is clearly evident as she continues to retain a franchise with the Legal Services Commission providing legal aid to those who qualify – “regardless of means, it is a person’s right to be able to have legal advice”- and, as a Trustee in the East Herts and Broxbourne Domestic Violence Forum, she was instrumental in setting up a contact Centre to enable absent parents to have contact with their children in a secure and safe environment in the Hertford area.

“I remain somewhat lucky to still feel, after 10 years of practising and specialising in Family Law, completely passionate about being a family solicitor, and now as a Collaborator too”, says Olive. So no matter whether your preference is Sex in The City or Calendar Girls, you can be sure that the entire cast of The Collaborators are absolutely dedicated to acting in your best interests.

Joytie Henchie – Attwaters LLP

Joyti is a member of the Law Society Children Panel Accreditation scheme, the Law Society Family Law Accreditation scheme and an accredited Specialist of Resolution in Child Law and Advocacy. She loves spending time with her husband and 3 children (no time to do anything else!) and walking through the beautiful Hertfordshire countryside. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Jacqueline James – Stanley Tee LLP

Jacqueline lives locally with her husband, young daughter, two energetic Burmese cats and an elderly guinea pig. She trained as a solicitor at Chester College of Law, undertook her training in London before moving to practise in Bishops Stortford. Her yoga teacher training was in tropical south India – and, she says, it was far sweatier than the solicitors‘ examinations. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Carolyn Hayes – Nockolds LLP

Carolyn is a member of the Hertfordshire and Cambridge Collaborative Family Law Groups and also a qualified Mediator through Resolution. Carolyn taught music privately for some years and continues to have a keen interest in the arts generally. She is a friend of the RA and is a parent-governor at Summercroft Primary School, Bishop’s Stortford. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Sophia Ismail – Whiskers LLP

Sophia studied at Kent University and was admitted as a Solicitor in 2006. She specializes in all aspects of Matrimonial and Family Law, Including divorce & ancillary relief, private children act matters and public childcare law. A volunteer for the Samaritans, she enjoys the social scene, theatre and bars in London and Epping. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Olive McCarthy – Breeze and Wyles LLP

Olive is a long standing member of Resolution and the Law Society Family Law Panel. Currently the voluntary solicitor for the Broxbourne Citizens Advice Bureau and Trustee of the East Herts and Broxbourne Domestic Violence Forum, she loves to go for long country walks and travel the world with her husband and son. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Glynne Davies – Essex Mediation

Glynne is currently on the Professional Standards Committee for the College of Mediators who she represents on the Family Mediation Council. She is a Trustee of the Student Memorial Trust and her particular obsession is her 2 year old grand-daughter who, when consulted about the name for her new brother/sister due later this year, suggested “Sock”. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

What is Collaborative Law?

Collaborative Law is a new, even handed approach to relationship breakdown involving where necessary finances and children based on confidential face-to-face negotiation with your partner with the full support of your lawyers alongside you. The aim is to deliver an amicable out-of-court settlement that achieves the best possible outcome for the family and avoids the uncertainty and ill feeling of an imposed solution.

How does it work?

You, your partner and your respective lawyers sit around a table, discuss the issues and agree the terms of your separation or divorce. You set the agenda and the timetable and are in complete control of the whole process. Both solicitors and clients sign an agreement to achieve resolution without recourse to the courts. Once agreement is reached a formal document is prepared for your signatures, which is legally binding and if appropriate a court order is obtained. It is sensible, civilised and tailor-made to your family’s needs.

What if we can’t reach agreement?

If after careful consideration the collaborative process breaks down, you may proceed to file court proceedings in the traditional way, however, your collaborative lawyers will be unable to represent you and you will have to engage new lawyers. However, the advantages of collaborative law give participants every incentive to make the process succeed.

Is collaborative law for my situation?

Collaborative law depends on open, honest communication, a willingness to negotiate and a determination to reach the best resolution for the whole family. Clearly that goes for both parties, and there will be times – say when communication has completely broken down or on-going domestic violence is involved – when the collaborative approach will be ill advised or unsuitable. In your initial consultation we will advise you if the collaborative process is best for your family and your circumstances.

What are the advantages?

Collaborative law is more dignified and less costly – emotionally and usually financially – than the traditional adversarial system. As already mentioned the timing and outcome of the process are in your own hands and not those of a third party whose ruling may prove unsatisfactory for your family. Importantly, all discussions leading to the agreement are totally confidential. An amicable parting also helps maintain better relations between ex-partners, and is less traumatic for any children involved.

www.nfm.u-net.com National Family Mediation is an organisation offering mediation services throughout the country. NFM ensure all their mediators are specially trained to deal with matrimonial and family issues.

www.nfm.org.uk NFM is a network of Family Mediation Services which offers help to those affected by separation and divorce.

www.relate.org.uk If you and your spouse are unsure about a divorce or separation it could mean your relationship is not over, but needs some work on it. Relate is one of a number of organisations which offer marriage guidance, and relationship counselling.